Break from Studying Again
Mar. 8th, 2004 12:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
marenceA quick synopsis of my life: Sundays I game. Mondays I study. Tuesdays I go to school. Wednesdays I sleep, then study. Thursdays I go to school. Fridays I take care of my mom. Saturdays I clean & run errands. In between, I make tiedye, shoot video, babysit Parker, organize the chaos, take pictures, do computer stuff, cook, bake, watch John eat, observe drama, do more chaos organizing, and someday I'll sing again.
'Full-time student' is so different from 'full-time employee' or 'full-time entrepreneur' because hours are allocated so differently. I'm only in classes 17 hours a week, but depending on the week, I may be spending only a few hours more than that studying, or, during midterm/final time, spending all my waking hours either working on papers, studying, or doing online reseach. Even when I take a break, I can't stop myself from revising my paper in my head.
During the light weeks, I feel slightly guilty about not working, and having so much free time. I've been trying to use it to do creative stuff. Since I started school, I've been doing a lot of little projects - making jewelry, painting miniatures, sewing new stuff out of old stuff, experimenting with new tiedye designs - and it's been wonderful having the time to devote to it.
During the crushing weeks, though, I feel stressed. Not in the soul-grinding way I was during the help desk years, but in a way I remember from my grade school days. The "I Must Get Good Grades" stress.
Just a few months ago, I found a box of my old school books in my mom's garage. In the box was a report card from 4th grade. Straight A's, but a B in math. On the back, my teacher had written "Mary is a delight to have in class." My mother's comment was, "We're very disappointed in the math grade. Mary has promised she'll do better." Stress? Yeah, just a little.
The really bad thing about my current school stress is that this time, it's self-inflicted. In order to get the kind of job I want, I must graduate with good grades. I must be able to impress my professors enough to have them write good references. I hate that this is necessary, but I have to go through this small hell in order to have a profession I can enjoy while practicing, that also supports me in the style I want.
OK, to quote![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
blink0769, "I'm done."
'Full-time student' is so different from 'full-time employee' or 'full-time entrepreneur' because hours are allocated so differently. I'm only in classes 17 hours a week, but depending on the week, I may be spending only a few hours more than that studying, or, during midterm/final time, spending all my waking hours either working on papers, studying, or doing online reseach. Even when I take a break, I can't stop myself from revising my paper in my head.
During the light weeks, I feel slightly guilty about not working, and having so much free time. I've been trying to use it to do creative stuff. Since I started school, I've been doing a lot of little projects - making jewelry, painting miniatures, sewing new stuff out of old stuff, experimenting with new tiedye designs - and it's been wonderful having the time to devote to it.
During the crushing weeks, though, I feel stressed. Not in the soul-grinding way I was during the help desk years, but in a way I remember from my grade school days. The "I Must Get Good Grades" stress.
Just a few months ago, I found a box of my old school books in my mom's garage. In the box was a report card from 4th grade. Straight A's, but a B in math. On the back, my teacher had written "Mary is a delight to have in class." My mother's comment was, "We're very disappointed in the math grade. Mary has promised she'll do better." Stress? Yeah, just a little.
The really bad thing about my current school stress is that this time, it's self-inflicted. In order to get the kind of job I want, I must graduate with good grades. I must be able to impress my professors enough to have them write good references. I hate that this is necessary, but I have to go through this small hell in order to have a profession I can enjoy while practicing, that also supports me in the style I want.
OK, to quote
blink0769, "I'm done."
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no subject
Date: 2004-03-08 09:15 am (UTC)you ever gonna add me back lady? ;)
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Date: 2004-03-08 11:43 am (UTC)